


Always Worth It

by tommygirl



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-03-01
Updated: 2010-03-01
Packaged: 2017-10-07 15:30:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/66490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tommygirl/pseuds/tommygirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Even when it's hard, Mary can't regret her decision.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Always Worth It

**Author's Note:**

> set post episode _In the Beginning_

There were times when Mary decided that John had to know about her past - the real one, not the fantasy of normal she had created. She would watch John lift Dean into the air as he giggled and she would feel this surge of panic, remembering the deal she had made. She didn't regret it, couldn't as she watched the man she loved toss their son gently into the air, but she had seen what happened to normal families who weren't prepared.

She would chide herself. "Stop that, Mary. You left that behind. This is all you need."

And it was true. She had John and Dean and another baby on the way. She was happier than she thought she ever could be. She thrived on normal, it made her happy. Besides, no good could come of telling John the truth. Even if he didn't write her off as crazy, there was no way to make it sound any less selfish than it was. She had loved John so much. He was tangible and real and _hers_…not like the possibility of some child down the road. She had been selfish and now the fear was always looming around her, that some day the demon would show up and steal her family away.

John didn't need to carry that burden. He already had enough nightmares of his own.

"It took three stories, but Dean is finally down…what's wrong?"

Mary looked up from the magazine she was trying to read and leaned back against her pillows. She shrugged and said, "Nothing, John. I'm fine."

He sat down on the edge of the bed, pressing against her, and kissing her gently. He touched her belly and said, "Not feeling well?"

She smiled and caressed his cheek. "I'm fine, really. I was just thinking about my parents."

He nodded in understanding and a part of her wanted to scream because he didn't really understand – she wouldn't let him. He didn't know that the horrors he had seen in Vietnam were nothing compared to some of the things she had witnessed. He didn't know that she had made a deal with a demon to have this normal life, to have him, even if it meant sacrificing one of her own children. Even thinking about it made her sick.

"I know they weren't that fond of me, but I think they would've loved to be around to see what an amazing mom you are," he replied. He kissed her again and she wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down on top of her, and holding on.

She breathed him and said, "It was worth it."

"What?"

"Just remember that, okay? It was always worth it."

He chuckled. "I love you, even when you don't make any sense."

She kissed his neck and said, "I know. That's why I love you."


End file.
